The Rapture of Music: (C)rap Music

Prepubescent Peter provides a somewhat biased insight on the current state of (c)rap music

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The Rapture of Music: (C)rap Music

CORRUPTING THE YOUTH: Innocent young boy sucked into (c)rap culture shows his support for a local set of Blood gangsters. The bad influence of mumble (c)rappers has led this boy and many others to desire a life of crime since the early 1980s.

CORRUPTING THE YOUTH: Innocent young boy sucked into (c)rap culture shows his support for a local set of Blood gangsters. The bad influence of mumble (c)rappers has led this boy and many others to desire a life of crime since the early 1980s.

Photo by Joseph Woodruff

CORRUPTING THE YOUTH: Innocent young boy sucked into (c)rap culture shows his support for a local set of Blood gangsters. The bad influence of mumble (c)rappers has led this boy and many others to desire a life of crime since the early 1980s.

Photo by Joseph Woodruff

Photo by Joseph Woodruff

CORRUPTING THE YOUTH: Innocent young boy sucked into (c)rap culture shows his support for a local set of Blood gangsters. The bad influence of mumble (c)rappers has led this boy and many others to desire a life of crime since the early 1980s.

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Rap? More like crap. I can’t stand all of these new-age mumble (c)rappers. It all sounds the same. Why can’t we go back to the age when Pink Floyd made “Dark Side of the Moon” or when Weezer made “The Teal Album” or when Queen made that one groundbreaking album? (I can’t remember the name of it because my music taste is too diverse, despite my young age.) In fact, I think we should kick it back even further in history and revert to Beethoven’s “Kreutzer Sonata” or Mozart’s “Turkish March”. 

My sentiments are shared by many, so today I’m going to sit down and look for the Kurt Cobains in the rough in today’s malnourished field of Lil Pumps, Quavos, and Billy Eyelashes. For help, I asked my good friend Hipstergamer Chad to suggest some good music for me.

“Dude, Travis Scott and XXXTentacion (RIP X) are really where it’s at right now vro,” Chad said, taking a sip of his Rockstar energy drink. “You should check out Tyler, the Creator too. He’s still so underrated.”

I didn’t understand how that last sentiment was true, since Tyler’s last album “Igor,” was #1 on Billboard’s Top 200 Albums Chart with 165,000 equivalent sales. But then again this is (c)rap music that we’re discussing, which I know nothing about. 

As soon as Chad told me to listen to Travis Scott, I knew what I was about to hear would try to corrupt my pure, intelligent brain into liking (c)rap, but I was having none of it. I heard his aggressive yet emotionless vocals on that popular “Sicko Mode” song with Drake(don’t even get me started on that pop rapper), and I anticipated I would lose my marbles trying to listen to his latest album “Astroworld”(which wasn’t even a fraction of fun compared to the amusement park). *Spoiler alert* I did. The album literally drove me insane. Not an ounce of effort was put into that composition. Morissey and the Smiths could’ve recorded themselves eating spicy garlic chicken wings on a potato microphone for an hour and it would’ve had a more delightful cadence than anything from this album.

I will not comment on XXXTentacion (apparently pronounced “eks-ten-shun” like “extension cord”),as I would rip his music to shreds, which I believe would be very disrespectful towards Jahseh, the whole Onfroy estate, and his 14 year old fans everywhere.

Now, I’m going to be honest with you about Tyler, the Creator’s new album “Igor.” I really enjoy this album. I did not expect to feel this type of way about Tyler’s music, especially after listening to his offensive lyrics on earlier songs. But I saw many improvements on his last album “Flower Boy” and was interested to see which direction he took his next project. And you know what? Hipstergamer Chad, who detailed Tyler’s album to me in an impaired state over Facetime, was right about a musical opinion for the first time in his life. Namely, because Tyler has finally found a way to forego all the mumble (c)rap repetition that all these new day artists are making, and made an actual good album completely unique to all these other mumble (c)rappers. I’d personally rate it a 9/10, and the only 10/10 to me is Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. 

Overall, while all these bad trap (c)rappers still exist, I’m glad I have found a new, good rap artist I can listen to in Tyler, a man who makes REAL rap.

I’d like to close this article by listing some of my favorite rappers, as I feel many readers believe I am biased against rap music, and this will prove that I am not. 

My Top 11 Rappers of All Time:

1.Kid Rock

2.Machine Gun Kelly

3.NF

4.Asher Roth

5.Mac Miller

6.Lil Dicky

7.Macklemore

8.Eminem

9.Paul Wall

10.G-Eazy

11.Logic

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