For the first time, Roncalli Media publishes questions students submitted about the Catholic faith with answers from experts. Staff hopes to publish more questions in the near future.
Is having sex before marriage really a sin? I ask this because what if one day, a person, let’s say his name is Dan, is in love with a girl named Komi. So he finally gets the courage to ask her if she would be his girlfriend. She says yes. Then, they have dated for maybe 10 years now, and they are truly in love with each other, but they are poor, and they can not afford getting married, and they are almost too old to have children, because then it becomes dangerous. They try in all kinds of ways to get enough money to get married, but they still can’t, and soon it will be too late to show their true love for each other. So they show their love to each other and have a baby, and stay together forever. How is that a sin? Lust is totally different, but how is having children before getting married a sin?
-Sophomore
Dear Sophomore,
This is a great question! I think the best way to handle this is to first think about how we view sin. Sin is really doing something out of context/in a way that it was not designed. Doing that brings the consequence of separating us from God, but also consequences upon ourselves that we can see and those we can’t see.
If I made you use a basketball while playing a volleyball game, you might be wondering why or mad about it. Why? The basketball hurts – it’s heavy, you can’t spike it, and you’d probably break a finger trying to set that ball. Would you get mad at the basketball? No, it wasn’t designed to be a volleyball.
Sex was designed for marriage. Why? It’s designed to unite you to someone in a way that you can’t be united with anyone else. It’s designed to be open to life and bring new life into the world. When sex is introduced outside of marriage, it brings feelings, attachment, and possibly pregnancy. If this happens, would you be mad at the sexual act? No, it wasn’t designed to be outside of the context of marriage. Being mad that sex connects you to someone, makes your feelings change, or brings a baby into the world is like being mad at a basketball for not being a good volleyball. It wasn’t designed for that.
That brings us to your question, then – it’s a sin because it wasn’t designed for anything other than the safest place to be – in a committed marriage (which is supposed to be forever, and things do happen where that isn’t always the case, we’re human, but that’s another question!) where love is free, total, fruitful, and faithful.
It’s really just about protecting your heart and setting yourself up for the best relationship possible and not introducing something into a relationship before it’s ready for it.
Also might be worth noting that there are other ways to show intimacy, the sacrament of marriage costs no money (the party does!), and we are called to be open to life at every sexual act.
-Mrs. Hibner, director of Campus Ministry
